Denver Women, Women Denver, Colorado Women

How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You don't. I've read plenty of books that tell you how to do it, but I don't believe for a minute that you can place your cosmic order and your perfect ideal twin soul is going to materialize just like that at your front door. It doesn't happen like that. You can open your heart and mind to finding a beautiful loving relationship, but chances are that using the word soulmate will almost jinx you from finding it. Why?

For many of us, when we think of a soulmate, we think of someone perfect. Someone who is gorgeous, brilliant, funny, naturally happy and kind. We think of someone who wants exactly the same things out of life that we want. We picture a meeting right out of the movies where both parties meet on the street and instantly fall madly head over heels in love. We think that there will never be any conflict beyond a quaint debate over what colors to paint the baby's nursery. We imagine lovemaking that is so phenomenally perfect the first time that one cries from the sheer artistic beauty and telepathic oneness. All problems and challenges in our lives will suddenly melt away into faint memories because our soulmate has arrived and their presence alone is so cosmic and amazing that all else pales in comparison.

Yeah, and if I say my affirmations with enough conviction, gold coins are going to start growing instead of dandelions in my yard too! Wake up! If you're dreaming of that kind of a soulmate, then you need to rent some good movies and call it good. Love doesn't go like that and you know better. Look at it this way.... You are the other half of that equation. Let's be serious. If you are someone's soulmate, and they find you. Are you capable of being that incredibly flawless and perfect for them? No of course not. Nor are they. Soulmates are as mixed up and weird as you are. They may have the same flaws as you do or completely different ones. If you are holding out for that fantasy, then you are playing a psychological game with yourself. You have created an impossible dream to hide behind so that you don't have to really risk falling in love with a real live human being, warts and all.

Yes, I do believe that there are extremely rare cases where one 'feels' or 'knows' there is a certain person they are meant to find and they are haunted by the need to find that one person. They are doomed to hunt for that needle in a hay stack. But let's get serious, that isn't the norm. We have all heard so much about soulmates that we just think it would be really cool. Well it's not. It sucks to spend a lifetime passing up real love with real people because somewhere out there is this voice calling your name. You doubt your sanity and spend most of your life lonely and searching. Don't do it. Find real love with real people.

Change your definition of soulmate. Call to yourself someone who is open and real. Call to yourself someone who is genuine and capable of love on a real everyday level in a real everyday world where people get up and go to work and pay bills. Call to yourself someone who knows how to show and express their love without manipulation and head games. Call forth a forever kind of love. Call forth a best friend that you can sit with in your rocking chair on the front porch when you're too old to make love anymore. Call someone who loves you enough to kick you in the butt when you're screwing up. Call forth someone who will shout from the rooftop when you are deserving of praise too. Call forth someone who is a loyal and faithful lover willing to learn and grow with you behind closed doors. Leave the rest to fate. Don't define them. Don't imagine the look of their face or the color of their eyes. Don't predetermine anything else about them. Let them be exactly who they are and you be who you are. Then work on making yourself into the same type of person that I just described so that you'll be worthy of them when they show up.

When you go through your ceremonies, affirmations, and prayers for your soulmate, ask the heavens to help you to be open minded and to not judge what that person is supposed to be. Ask for a feeling of their essence so that you'll recognize it when you see them for real. How does it feel to be with them? If you had a perfect ideal partner, you wouldn't be able to relax and be yourself because they were not of the same energy as you. Raise your own self to be your best and ask for a partner that matches your level of development so that you can grow together. You don't want to have a partner who is in every way superior to you because they're perfect and you're only human do you?

Unless you can lighten up your definition of what a soulmate is, then you really shouldn't use the term. It will only bring you loneliness and heartache if you insist on waiting for perfection. The best advise I can give you if you want an amazing forever kind of love is to be healthy, happy, and independent. Quit worrying about when love will find you and get busy with living your life. Keep your heart open and your eyes open for the possible love of a lifetime, but don't obsess over it. What is meant to be will be whether you call it to you or not. Call for help being a beautiful soul. Trust that the rest will fall into place in it's own perfect time.